Vanity of Vanities.

Today, I was informed that presenting a dissertation is like visiting the proctologist. They put you in all sorts of uncomfortable positions. They probe all the places you don't want them to. And in the end, you just feel cheap and used.

All in all, it was an inspiring conversation. Right after this lovely analogy, the same man asked me which Ninja Turtle was my favorite. In the tone of the conversation, I said, "I used to have a favorite, but now I'm thankful for them all. They're my relief from the real world."

Some days, I just want curl up with a gallon of ice cream and Ecclesiastes. The world is full of continual competition and an instilled sense of ambition. I feel as if I cannot be a better Christian without continuing my education. I can't serve God effectively if I do not continually learn more. Beyond that, I feel as if all of my wisdom and knowledge must be mind-boggling and contrary to what I know. Sometimes, I'm so unsure of what I actually think. College wasn't supposed to teach me information. It was supposed to teach me to think. Am I really going to be capable of that when I leave? Will I be able to read and evaluate? I sat in a smoky bar and listened to a friend's passionate opinions of politics and realized how little I know about so many things. Am I adequately equipped to recognize and deal with my own ignorance?

With these thoughts invading my mind, and second-hand smoke invading my lungs (which is my LEAST favorite thing in the whole world, by the way), I realized the utter vanity of my worldview of academia. And this is precisely why my coming time off is becoming so precious to me. I value my education because it is what I excel at. I am considering a master's and even a doctorate because I don't know what else to do with my life. I have such an incredibly skewed understanding of true wisdom and the capability of God's Spirit in my own life. I truly believe that I am worthless without more schooling.

This is truly vanity. And in the words of my favorite uneducated man, "This too shall be made right."